Relationships in a Digital Utopia

"The first act of love is attention."

-Dallas Willard

Attention.

It’s crucial for a healthy relationship.

But we live in a world where there is a war for our attention — social media, the internet, smartphones and ads — and we’re probably losing.

The average American sees between 4,000 and 10,000 ads per day. Imagine what that does to our brains and attention spans. And our relationships.

Additionally, it is reported that teenagers spend on average seven hours and 22 minutes a day on their phones. The recommended screen time is no more than two hours max.

How can we pay careful attention in the midst of it all?

The Digital Revolution

2007 — the year Steve Jobs introduced the iPhone, months after the launch of Facebook, and a blogging app called Twitter became its own platform.

The digital revolution happened so quickly, no one had time to think about the consequences. Specifically, the negative effects on relationships.

“Because listening is one of the highest acts of love,” Dallas Willard writes, “the first act of love is attention.”

In an era where phone addiction is on the rise and mental health is declining among young people, it can be damaging to one’s self-worth when a partner is too busy checking Instagram to enjoy dinner.

There is also a direct correlation between cellphone addiction and psychological abuse. But it has become so normal that it’s hard to notice.

Attention Deficit in Relationships

Ask anyone and they will tell you how great it feels to have someone’s undivided attention. And vice versa.

In the book The Relational Soul, authors James Cofield and Richard Plass state, “At the core of our being is this truth: We are designed for and defined by our relationships. We were born with a relentless longing to participate in the lives of others.”

In short, the first act of love is attention.

We can decide not to spend half of our waking hours on our phones and spend them with a person instead, cultivating healthy relationships.

Written by Peyton Gray

Beautiful Broken Vessels Team Journalist