Looking Back (Teen perspective) : Teen Dating Violence

When you're a teen, you don’t have the same common sense anyone else would have. It’s not your fault, it’s just the way your brain is wired at the moment. And when it comes to love for the first time, as corny and as high school musical as it may sound, you have absolutely no idea what you're doing. You just know what's happening is fun and it's giving you that dopamine kick in a time where almost constantly your life seems to be falling apart. 

I’m a high school student, who has done a lot of stupid things in this realm, and that's ok, but when a line is crossed… things can become more than just a stupid teenage decision.

Luckily on the spectrum of teen dating violence, nothing I have experienced or seen in my close circle has been that bad. I would say the worst thing that has probably ever happened for me was either just senior boys (who were definitely over the age of 18) trying to hit on me when I was a freshman or this one time where this guy tried to take advantage of me after my first heartbreak. I was also a freshman during this story, and it was the first time I had ever fell really really hard for this one guy, let’s call him Chance. Well, after Chance went for another girl I was heartbroken (again was a freshman so felt a lot deeper than it actually was). Well after that some might call it rebounding but I just wanted to prove I was worth someone liking. A couple weeks later this guy, let's call him Zayn, slid into my DM’s. 

Zayn was really sweet at first. He was saying all the right things, that Chance never did, and all of a sudden I was telling him about Chance and my feelings and my thoughts about everything else… to a random stranger on instagram. That made me very vulnerable. All of a sudden Zayn knew what was going on in my brain, how desperate I was, and that desperation led him to believe I was willing to go as far as he wanted me too. A couple days later he started describing things he wanted to do with me, sent me explicit pictures, and wanted some from me. In the moment I didn’t feel him taking advantage of myself and prided myself of always being aware. I didn’t know at the time if it was genuinely my gut saying this is not ok or me being scared of getting hurt again because of everything that happened with Chance, but I emotionally bolted as fast as I could. Now that it's been a while I can say that it was the fear of being hurt because I did this with every guy for about the next 6 months, emotionally bolting that is. Either way, I am so grateful that I listened to my gut and left it right there because a couple months later I found out about another girl (she said it was ok for me to talk about this) he did this with and she wasn’t as lucky as me. I am friends with her now and we keep each other in check but to this day Zayn still DM’s me and my friends to ask about me. 

I am very lucky that things worked out for me, but not everyone is. There are much, much, much worse situations that happen to people my age who end up in a lot of danger. I wanted to share 4 things I learned through all of this personally: 

1. Do not trust anyone over the internet that you have not met in person

2. Be vigilant with the words you say and make sure you know someone well before becoming vulnerable with them (No girl, he is not different, trust me)

3. Speak up if you think something is off, you can save yourself or someone else from a really bad situation

4. And last but not least TRUST. YOUR. GUT.

Statistics show that 1.5 million high school teens in the U.S have been a victim of teen dating violence. 1 in 9 female highschool students have reported that they experienced sexual violence, and that is just those willing to speak up.

If you are or a loved one have been a victim or need help in a domestic abuse situation please call the National domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-7233

Anonymous Guest Writer