Looking Back (Adult perspective) : Teen Dating Violence

Teen dating violence (TDV) is a form of intimate partner violence which includes some of the following types of behavior: physical, sexual, emotional, stalking, cyber and financial. Some behaviors like teasing, name calling, constantly checking in are considered “normal” aspects of a relationship. These “friendly behaviors” can go from sweet to abusive. Some signs of abuse are “minimizing partners self-worth, being critical, threats, intimidation, peer pressure, isolation and more.

At 23 years-old, I found out I was in an abusive relationship at 19. My relationship didn’t fit the mold of dating violence, because there wasn’t physical abuse; which is all I heard about growing up. After this, I ended up in a cycle of abusive relationships for years due to how I viewed myself, my lack of boundaries, desire to please others and lack of self-esteem.

Before I got married, I was in another abusive relationship for 2 years. During this relationship, I posted pictures of us online mostly when the relationship was tumultuous. I wanted to believe and prove to myself and others that we were happy even though we were not; I was not. I dealt with a lot of stress, gained a lot of weight, struggled with my mental health and had pain in my body that came seemingly from nowhere, which was later attributed to the stress.

The CDC states, “Teen dating violence profoundly impacts lifelong health, opportunity, and wellbeing. Unhealthy relationships can start early and last a lifetime…Violence in an adolescent relationship sets the stage for future relationship problems, including intimate partner violence and sexual violence perpetration and/or victimization throughout life.”

No person, color or socioeconomic status prevents us from falling prey to dating violence. About 1 in 12 high school students report experiencing physical and sexual dating violence. There tends to be an increase in depression, anxiety, unhealthy coping mechanisms like using drugs, alcohol, sexual promiscuity, have suicidal/homical thoughts and others after being in these types of relationships. 

Due to my past relationship experiences and what I have witnessed as a social worker, I have a strong desire to help other young women who have experienced and/or witnessed abuse and provide preventative measures to those who have not experienced it. Helping all young women end the cycle of abuse in their lives.

It takes a village: friends, family, co-workers, classmates to keep each other safe and aware of the signs of abuse. Join us in the fight to end the cycle of abuse and prevent others from getting involved in toxic/abusive relationships. 

Shahon Marshall MSW,LCSWA

Beautiful Broken Vessels Founder,CEO