How To Self Advocate At School When You Don’t Feel Heard

One experience we all share, despite our age, ethnicity, or where we’re from, is the American Public School System.

We’ve all walked the hallways, sweated through classes in those hard, metal seats, laughed with friends during lunch, but what some remember as the best times of their lives, others remember as stressful, chaotic, and traumatizing. Even though school should be the safest place we could ever find ourselves, the reality is, oftentimes it’s not. And when we’re struggling as students with trauma from home, in our relationships, and even at school, it may feel like we’re completely alone with no one to go to.

But we’re not.

Yes, schools are overcrowded, and teachers, counselors, and administrators are overworked.

My own school experiences, both as student and teacher, showed me that while schools do their best to be safe spaces, oftentimes their enormous size, lack of funding, amount of work to be done by teachers, administrators, and staff, leaves adults in such a state of exhaustion and stress, we often may seem unapproachable and so busy running from task to task, that we don’t see what students are really going through.

And when it seems there is no friendly face in a time of need, who do you turn to? You tried your counselor, but he had 15 minutes to spare in between creating student schedules. You tried that one teacher who seems to care, but her next class was streaming in.

How do you self advocate in the midst of so many busy adults with so much to do?

First, always remember students are of the utmost importance on a school campus, no matter what impression an overburdened school may give you.

Also, self-advocacy can be a challenge for those suffering from a traumatic incident. The stress and distrust often felt by survivors makes communication difficult.

So how do you do it?

First, we need to understand what self advocacy means.

According to the website www.understood.org, “self advocacy is the ability to communicate what your needs are.”

Sounds simple enough, but in the face of trauma, it’s not always easy. When we’re grappling to get help and we’re feeling unheard, our confidence has already been eroded, so this can feel impossible.

But it is vital to your well-being and survival.

Following a formula can help.

When trying to talk these things out is just too difficult, write it down.

On paper, answer these questions:

1. What do I need?

2. Why do I need it?

3. What specific support would help me?

4. How can I communicate this?

You may not know exactly what you need. That answer can be as general as, “I need help,” to “I need to report an assault.”

You may not feel comfortable sharing the specifics of “Why,” so share what you’re comfortable with, such as, “I don’t feel safe,” or “Someone hurt me.”

Specific supports can be harder to identify and you may not know what to ask for. They can range from, “I need to speak to a police officer,” to “I need to make sure a particular student stays away from me.” Another request could be, “I need a quiet place to breathe and relax for 30 minutes a day when I feel stressed,” or “I just need someone to listen to me with no interruptions.”

Once you’ve written these answers, formulate your plan.

If you’re more comfortable writing over talking, make two copies of these notes and hand them to two different adults at school in case one is unable to act on it quickly.

If you’re better at talking, decide who to approach. Sometimes the best person is a clerk or secretary — they’re not working with students all day, so speaking to a student in need can be a welcome break from their day to day tasks. Simply tell them you have a serious problem and you need help. Read straight from your notes if you need to. If the office is crowded, ask them to step outside so you can speak privately.

Always remember — you, as a student, are the main focus of anyone’s job at a school site, whether it feels like it or not, and when you ask someone directly, they are obligated to stop what they’re doing and take the time to really hear you.

Remember that self advocacy in times of trauma is difficult and emotional. You may cry. You may have a panic attack. You may be unable to fully articulate what happened, or what exactly you need.

And that is OK.

You may not find the “right” help right away. Many adults who work at schools simply aren’t properly trained in conflict-resolution or trauma-informed responses to situations like yours.

It shouldn’t be that way. It’s not fair. But you have the power. Keep trying.

The knowledge that self advocacy is difficult, and the brave first step you take to do it, is your first step toward healing, and there is power in that.

Every connection you make to adults who always seemed too busy, the more you will begin to trust and understand that help is out there, you matter, and you have the power and the right to make sure you get it.

Angela Halfman

Beautiful Broken Vessels Writer and Editing Manager